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I forget Noah sometimes. There it is. It’s out there.

My sons 3rd birthday recently passed. I was exhausted from running errands, getting everything together and lacking sleep from excitement alone. To boot, I go and get strep throat. Yay. In the chaos of setting up and getting ready for the party I forgot about my little one, Noah!

Sometimes when I’m with family I carry on and forget to check up on my little guy. 5-30 minutes later I’m like, OMG where’s Noah!? Usually to discover him nestled in a soft nest of nonna’s blankets.

My stomach does a little flip of panic and the guilt sets in. I mean heavy, heavy guilt and shame! I recognize the feeling because this isn’t the first time this has happened! The thoughts that run through my mind are something like:

“How could I!”

What kind of a horrible mom am I!

I don’t think I did this with Michael??

* Gasp *

Do I love Noah less??

The answer is a clear and resounding NO! OF COURSE NOT!

I sat quietly with this guilt until It suddenly occurred to me that forgetting about him has little to do with him or my love for him and everything to do with TRUST.

Trust in those people who are present in my life.

Trust in knowing that I’m a new mom all over again and adjusting to life with two little ones has been overwhelming. Moments of sleep deprivation and constantly being turned “on” means I deserve a break!

Trust that the whole world doesn’t rest on my shoulders alone and I have a support system that is happy to help.

When YOU feel like this, try changing moments of punishing yourself with guilt and self-doubt to moments of gratitude.

Gratitude for knowing what your needs are.

Gratitude for honoring yourself enough to let go.

Gratitude for your beautiful family and friends.

Stop beating yourself up!

You are a great mom.

If ever you need just a little push for reassurance pick up your baby, look into their eyes and you’ll know.

You’ll know that your love is immense.

Your love is true.

Everything is Okay!

With love,

Tanya xo

 

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